Movies. My favourites and not so favorite
Well, Pastor Dave, you sure did started something to do with Movies.
What movies I saw as a kid and growing up?
Billy Boy, Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers, There must be other's but can't think of any, what about Westerns, there are so many of them on video and DVD these days. Zane Gray is one I remember but movies, not sure about them.
Horror movies: Spycho, Tarantulla, Scorpian, The Blob, Creature from the Black Lagoon, boy! Did I have night mares, and hiding behind the seat in front, or between my fingers even, or trying to drown out the music. Was too scared to go to sleep at nights for a while after each movie. Don't go to any these days, unless it is on TV and then sometimes I don't or won't watch them.
Musicals: &nbs p; My Fair Lady, The Wizard of Oz, Mary Poppin, South Pacific, The Sound Of Music. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, The Student Prince, Grease came later. Jeanette MacDonnald and Eddy Nelson Films, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers Films,
James Bond Movies, loved Sean McConnery, no fan of Roger Moore. Also liked Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward together in movies too. From The Terrace was one, oh yes, The Long Hot Summer is another one. Rock Hudson: Giant, Pillow Talk. Doris Day: Pajama Game, Pillow Talk, Touch of Mink. Cary Grant: I guess these do go way back eh. What can someone else come up with back there?
Only In America
ONLY IN AMERICA:
Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. !
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ..
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? !
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
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Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...
KEEPER; THE ORIGINS OF THE REFUGEE PROBLEM
This assertion, although viscerally engaging and all but canonized by the anti-Israel propaganda which makes it the core of its narratives of the Middle East conflict, is unequivocally and totally false.
Origins of the Problem
The State of Israel was created in a peaceful and legal process by the United Nations. It was not created out of Palestinian lands. It was created out of the Ottoman Empire, ruled for four hundred years by the Turks who lost it when they were defeated in World War I. There were no "Palestinian" lands at the time because there were no people claiming to be Palestinians. There were Arabs who lived in the region of Palestine who considered themselves Syrians. It was only after World War I that the present states of Jordan, Syria, Lebanon and Iraq were also created - and also created artificially out of the Turkish Empire by the British and French victors. Jordan was created on about 80 percent of the Palestine Mandate, which was originally designated by the League of Nations as part of the Jewish homeland. Since then, Jews have been prohibited from owning property there. Two-thirds of its citizens are Palestinian Arabs, but it is ruled by a Hashemite monarchy.
In 1947, the UN partition plan mandated the creation of two states on the remaining 20 percent of the Palestine Mandate: the State of Israel for the Jews, and another state for the Arabs. The Arabs rejected their state, and launched a war against Israel. This is the primal cause of the Arab refugee problem.
The Arab refugees were roughly 725,000 people who fled because of the war that the Arab states - not the Palestinian Arabs -- started.The Arab states - dictatorships all - did not want a non-Arab state in the Middle East. The rulers of eight Arab countries whose populations vastly outnumbered the Jewish settlers in the Turkish Empire, initiated the war with simultaneous invasions of the newly created state of Israel on three fronts. Nascent Israel begged for peace and offered friendship and cooperation to its neighbors. The Arab dictators rejected this offer and answered it with a war of annihilation against the Jews. The war failed. But the state of war has continued uninterruptedly because of the failure of the Arab states -Saudi Arabia and Iraq in particular - to sign a peace treaty with Israel. To this day, the Arab states and the Palestinians refer to the failure of their aggression and the survival of Israel as an-Nakba - the catastrophe.
Had there been no Arab aggression, no war, and no invasion by Arab armies whose intent was overtly genocidal, not only would there have been no Arab refugees, but there would have been a state of Palestine in the West Bank and Gaza since 1948.
In the war, Israel acquired additional land. In the absence of a peace treaty between belligerents, the law of nations allows the annexation of an aggressor's land after a conflict - although the land in question belonged to the Turks and then the World War I victors. Israel actually offered to return land it had acquired while defending itself against the Arab aggression in exchange for a formal peace. It made this offer during the Rhodes Armistice talks and Lausanne conference in 1949. The Arab rulers refused the land because they wanted to maintain a state of war in order to destroy the Jewish state. Had Israel's offer been accepted, there could have been prompt and just resolution to all the problems that have afflicted the region since. The only problem that wouldn't have been resolved to the satisfaction of the Arabs was their desire to obliterate the state of Israel.
After their victory, Israel passed a law that allowed Arab refugees to re-settle in Israel provided they would sign a form in which they renounced violence, swore allegiance to the state of Israel, and became peaceful productive citizens. During the decades of this law's tenure, more than 150,000 Arab refugees have taken advantage of it to resume productive lives in Israel. Jews do not have a similar option to become citizens of Arab states from which they are banned.
It was not Israel that caused the Arab refugee problem, nor Israel that obstructed its solution. On the contrary, the Arab refugee problem was the direct result of the aggression by the Arab states, and their refusal after failing to obliterate Israel to sign a formal peace, or to take care of the Arab refugees who remained outside Israel's borders.
The Jewish Refugees
There were other refugees from the Arab-Israeli conflict that everyone on the Arab side of the argument chooses conveniently to forget. Between 1949 and 1954, about 800,000 Jews were forced to flee from the Arab and Muslim lands where they had lived for hundreds and even thousands of years - from Iraq, Morocco, Tunisia, Jordan and Iran, Syria, Egypt, Lebanon, and other Muslim countries. These Jews were peaceful citizens of their Arab countries and in no way a hostile population. Nonetheless, they were forced at gun-point to flee with nothing but the clothes on their backs. The only reason for their expulsion was revenge against the Jewish citizenry of Arab countries for the shame of the Arab defeat in their war of aggression.
Most of these Jewish refugees came to Israel, where they were integrated into normalcy by the tiny fledgling Jewish state. The Arab states (and later the PLO) refused to do this for the Arab refugees because they preferred to keep them an aggrieved constituency for their war against Israel.
Some observers have suggested that the dual refugee situation should be understood as a "population exchange" -- Arabs fled to Arab countries as Jews fled to the Jewish country, both as a result of the 1948 war, both under conditions which their side regards as forced evacuations. On the other hand, no one on the Arab side has suggested the obvious: if Jewish refugees were resettled on land vacated by fleeing Arabs, why not resettle Arab refugees on the lands of Jews who were forced to flee the Arab countries. One reason no one has suggested this is that no Arab state with the exception of Jordan will even allow Arab refugees to become citizens.
Taking into account the Jewish refugees' assets that were confiscated when they fled from Arab and Muslim lands, one can conclude that the Jews have already paid massive "reparations" to the Arabs whether warranted or not. The property and belongings of the Jewish refugees, confiscated by the Arab governments, has been conservatively estimated at about $2.5 billion in 1948 dollars. Invest that money at a modest 6.5% over 57 years and you have today a sum of $80 billion, which the Arab and Muslim governments of the lands from which the Jews were expelled could apply to the benefit of the Arab refugees.. That sum is quite sufficient for reparations to Arab refugees. There is no way of accurately assessing the value of Arab property left in Israel's control; but there are no estimates as high as a 1948 value of $2,500,000,000. So, hypothetically, the Arab side has already gotten the better end of the deal.
During the many wars of the 20th century, tens of millions of refugees were created in Europe and Asia. In 1922, 1.8 million people were relocated to resolve the Turkey-Greece war. Following World War II, some 3,000,000 Germans were forced from countries of Eastern Europe and resettled in Germany. When the Indian sub-continent was divided, over 12 million people were transferred between India and Pakistan.
All such refugee issues have been resolved, except the roughly 725,000 Arabs who fled Israel during the 1948 war and whom the Arab states and the Palestinian Authority have kept in refugee camps.
The Arab Refugee Problem
Another irony must be considered in the context of the refugee issue. Israel handled its Jewish refugee problem by devoting massive resources to the education and integration of the Jewish refugee population into its society. These refugees never became a burden on the world, never needed the assistance of the United Nations, and never had their civil and human rights denied by their new host country. Instead, despite great hardship, early discrimination, difficult adjustments and initial privations, they and their offspring have become productive citizens of the Middle East's only democracy, and substantive contributors to one of the most technologically and socially advanced countries in the world.
The fate of the Arab refugees has been the diametric opposite of this obvious positive solution to their problem. Arab leadership has purposely kept their Palestinian brethren in refugee slums, at times approaching the status of concentration camps, with their misery perpetuated by Machiavellian rulers to be used as a propaganda weapon against Israel and against the West.
The Palestinian refugees in Gaza were forced there in 1948 not by Israel but by the Egyptians, kept there under guard, shot if they tried to leave, and never given Egyptian citizenship or Egyptian passports. (These facts are recorded by Yasir Arafat himself in his authorized biography by Alan Hart, Arafat: Terrorist or Peace Maker? 1982). Refugees in Lebanon were kept under similar but less draconian repression. They were barred by law from almost 70 professions, not granted citizenship, and not allowed to travel. Only in Jordan were the refugees granted citizenship.
Senior Fatah Central Committee member Sakher Habash succinctly explained the reason for the calculated refusal of the Arab rulers including the Palestinian rulers to help the Palestinian refugees to return to normal lives. During a 1998 lecture at Shechem's An-Najah University, Habash said: "To us, the refugee issue is the winning card which means the end of the Israeli state."
In other words, war, terrorism, diplomatic isolation of Israel, world-wide PR campaigns to demonize Israel all may fail (and most have, so far); but as long as this last trump card is still alive, hope for the destruction of Israel still pulses in the hearts of Arab revanchists.
Palestinians who fled Israel in 1948 and are still alive have no legal right to return to Israel, because the Arab leadership representing them (Arab nations until 1993, and since then the Palestinian Authority) are still, de jure and de facto, at war with Israel; and these refugees, therefore, are still potential hostiles. International law does not require a country at war to commit suicide by allowing the entry of hundreds of thousands of a potentially hostile population. In the context of a peace treaty, in 1949, the Arab refugees could have taken advantage of Israel's offer; but their leadership refused.
Of course the present Palestinian claim of a "Right of Return" is accompanied by the claim that there are not 725,000 refugees (minus those who have died in the interim) but 5 million. This number serves many political agendas but from the point of view of international law generations born into a refugee population that has been resettled and living in exile do not have the legal status of refugees. That means that legal refugee status today applies only to those few surviving Arabs who fled in 1948, among whom most are advanced in age.
A Summary of The Salient Facts
The protracted Arab refugee crisis is an artificial crisis maintained for 57 years by Arab rulers in order to exploit their own people's suffering -- to create a "poster child" for Palestinian victim-hood; a staging ground for anti-Israel propaganda; a training center for Arab terrorists; and a trump card for the anti-Israel jihad (per Sakher Habash) when all else (war, terrorism, international diplomacy) fails.
"Haq el-Auda," the "law of return," for Palestinian Arabs to their own homes and farms and orchards that have been part of Israel for the past 57 years is a sham.
Sixty years ago there were nearly a million Jews in the Arab states of the Middle East: honest hard-working citizenry contributing to the culture and economy of their countries of domicile. Today, there are almost no Jews in the Arab countries of the Middle East, and racist apartheid laws prohibit even Jewish tourists from entering some Arab countries.
In Israel, on the other hand, the Arabs who did not flee numbered about 170,000 in 1949; and now number more than 1,400,000. They have 12 representatives in the Israeli Parliament, judges sitting on the Israeli courts and on the Israeli Supreme Court benches, and Ph.D's and tenured professors teaching in Israeli colleges and universities. They are a population that enjoys more freedom, education, and economic opportunity than do any comparable Arab populations anywhere in the Arab world.
The Arab rulers caused the Arab refugee problem in 1948 by their war of aggression against the infant state of Israel, a legal creation of the United Nations; the Arab rulers have since maintained the Arab refugee population and denied it any possibility of normal life in Arab countries in order to use the suffering they themselves have caused, as a weapon in their unending war against Israel.
During all these decades the refugee camps and their Arab exploiters have been funded by billions of dollars from the United Nations, the United States, the United Kingdom, the European Union and others.
Excerpted from "Big Lies: Demolishing the Myths of the Propaganda War Against Israel"
Israel
Still Getting over the Flu, so copy and pasting for now. Love, dorcas Ze'evi Warns Of Impending World Jihad “Tsunami” | ||
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Come Home Soon Dad!!
>
>
> Come Home Soon Dad!!
>
>Your alarm goes off, you hit the snooze and sleep for another 10 minutes.
>He stays up for days on end.
>-- --
>You take a warm shower to help you wake up.
>He goes days or weeks without running water.
>-- --
>You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.
>He gets shot at, as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
>-- --
>You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.
>He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
>-- --
>You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket.
>He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.
>-- --
>You talk trash on your "buddies" that aren't with you.
>He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.
>-- --
>You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.
>He walks the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
>-- --
>You complain about how hot it is.
>He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.
>-- --
>You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.
>He does not get to eat today.
>-- --
>Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.
>He wears the same things for months, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
>-- --
>You go to the mall and get your hair redone.
>He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.
>-- --
>You are angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.
>He is told he will be held an extra 2 months.
>----
>You call your girlfriend and set a date for that night.
>He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
>-- --
>You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.
>He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.
>-- --
>You roll your eyes as a baby cries.
>He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet.
>-- --
>You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.
>He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own government and remembers why he is fighting.
>-- --
>You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of the men like him.
>He hears the gun fire and bombs.
>-- --
>You see only what the media wants you to see.
>He sees the bodies lying around him.
>-- --
>You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.
>He does what he is told.
>-- --
>You stay at home and watch TV.
>He takes whatever time he is given to call and write home, sleep, and eat.
>-- --
>You crawl into your bed, with down pillows, and try to get comfortable.
>He crawls under a tank for shade and a 5 minute nap, only to be woken by gun fire.
>-- --
>You sit there and judge him, saying the world is a worse place because of men like him.
>If only there were more men like him
>
>
>If you support your troops, send this on
Help the Children of Nairobi
I am requesting assistance regarding an Orphanage in Nairobi, Kenya and that is HOW to bring public awareness to their plight. Let me explain a little, the children's parents have died from Aids and were living on the streets. Pastor Patrick Kimawachi has taken them in and trusts our Lord and Saviour to look after them. The Orphanage is called "Gospel Believer's Children Centre" I have been in touch for some time now with Pastor Patrick Kimawachi whom I can to nake this contact through Prophetess Dolores James and her website which is http://www.standingontherock.org" title="http://www.standingontherock.org" target="_blank"http://www.standingontherock.... I send cash now and then through Western Union which apparently comes at the right time when they really need the cash for buying food. They could do with a bore too for the Orphanage also, clean water.
Please leave comments and I will get back to you,
Thanking you and God bless,
HOMELESS
The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like that she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before. "Leave me alone," he growled. To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows. "Are you hungry?" she asked. "No," he answered sarcastically. "I've just come from dining with the president. Now go away. The woman's smile became even broader. Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone." Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked. "No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?" The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?" "See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile." "Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up. "Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything." "This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it." Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived. The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by the table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked. "What is all this. Is this man in trouble?" "This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered. "Not in here!" the manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business." Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place." The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy and Associates, the banking firm down the street?" "Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms." "And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?" "What business is that of yours?" "I, sir, am Penelope Eddy, president and CEO of the company." "Oh." The woman smiled again. "I thought that might make a difference." She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a giggle. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?" "No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty." "Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?" "Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice." The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer." The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said. "That was not my intent. Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this." She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently. "Jack, do you remember me?" Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar." "I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry." "Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificently turned out woman could ever have been hungry. "I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat." Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy." "I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over, I saw you put the price of my food in the cash register. I knew then that everything would be all right." "So you started your own business?" Old Jack said. "I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office." She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. And if you ever need anything, my door is always opened to you." There were tears in the old man's eyes. "How can I ever thank you," he said. "Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. Thank Jesus. He led me to you." Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said. "On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And... And thank you for the coffee." She frowned. "I forgot to ask you whether you used crème or sugar. That's black." The officer looked at the steaming cup of coffee in his hand. "Yes, I do take crème and sugar -- perhaps more sugar than is good for me." He patted his ample stomach. "I'm sorry," she said. "I don't need it now," he replied smiling. "I've got the feeling that this coffee you bought me is going to taste as sweet as sugar." |
WCGIP
Welcome to WCGIP 2006!
The 6th Annual World Christian Gathering on Indigenous People.
September 11 - 17   ; Davao City, Philippines
Get your Church or Group to sponsor an indigenous delegate.
Plan now to be there! It will be an awesome time!
An open letter from Pastor Ray Minniecon:
Warm Christian greetings from Sydney.
Just a short letter to let you know that the next World Christian Gathering Of Indigenous Peoples will be taking place in Davao City, in the Philippines from the 11th -17th in Semptember this year.
I am encouraging as many Aboriginal and Torres strait Islander peoples to join me at WCGIP 2006. It looks like it will be a very encouraging and enriching time. Check out their web site: www.wcgip.org
The average cost to WCGIP 2006 in the Philippines is approximately $3,000,00. This cost includes return airfare, on site accommodation, meals and fees.
My prayer is that we can get as many of our mob to the Gathering as possible so that they can bring the experience back to their local church here in Australia. Knowing from past experience that funds are difficult, perhaps one idea could be to get the local church to sponsor a delegate to WCGIP. Please pass this letter on to other colleagues so that they can be informed about this important event.
Your servant in Christ,
Pastor Ray Minniecon.
Crossroads Aboriginal Ministries Redfern NSW 2016 02 9319 2206
7 Reasons Not To Mess With A Child
1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah WAS swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".2. A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."3. A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds'. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked , "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family); answered, "Thou shall not kill."4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy , one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.. "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted it on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." </blockquote>
Kids & Computers
KIDS & COMPUTERS
& nbsp; Several of us were talking computers when the conversation turned to our children and
the impact computers have had on them.
& nbsp; One of the Dads in the group said he didn't realize how much his son was into computers
until he asked him to empty the kitchen trash.
& nbsp; The son replied, "Sure Dad, I'll be glad to delete it for you."
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p;   ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; and...
GROAN!! - The Wives Will Love This Joke
& nbsp; Let's just walk up the hill to the terminal, rather than wait for the bus," I suggested to my
two young sons.
& nbsp; Much to their displeasure, we began our walk.
& nbsp; After a while, my seven-year-old son asked: "Mom, why do you always make the
decisions?"
& nbsp; "Because I'm an adult," I said. "When you become an adult, you'll make the decisions."
& nbsp; He thought for a few seconds, then said: "No, I won't. Then I'll have a wife."
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KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS
& nbsp; JACK (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feed his new baby sister. After a while
he asked, "Mom, why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
& nbsp; MELANIE (age 5) asked her granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old
she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember, you must look in the
back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
& nbsp; STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his mom goodnight. "I love you so much that
when you die, I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
& nbsp; BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a painkiller. She tried in vain to take
the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her mom explained it was a childproof cap
and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked, "How does
it know it's me?
& nbsp; SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me
this juice again," she said. "It makes my teeth cough."
& nbsp; D I (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked, "How much do I cost?"
& nbsp; MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young man and woman who were hugging and
kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad, "Why is he
whispering in her mouth?"
& nbsp; CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his mom asked what was
troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married.
How will my wife fit in?"
& nbsp; TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman
her mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin
fit your face?"
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RULES KIDS WON'T LEARN IN SCHOOL
& nbsp; Rule #1. Life is not fair. Get used to it. The average teenager uses the phrase "it's not fair"
8.6 times a day. You got it from your parents, who said it so often you decided they must be
the most idealistic generation ever. When they started hearing it from their own kids, they
realized Rule #1.
& nbsp; Rule #2. The real world won't care as much about your self-esteem as your school does.
It'll expect you to accomplish something before you feel good about yourself. This may come
as a shock. Usually, when inflated self-esteem meets reality, kids complain that it's not fair.
(See Rule No. 1)
& nbsp; Rule #3. Sorry, you won't make $50,000 a year right out of high school. And you won't
be a vice president or have a car phone either. You may even have to wear a uniform that
doesn't have a Gap label.
& nbsp; Rule #4. If you think your teacher is tough, wait 'til you get a boss. He doesn't have
tenure, so he tends to be a bit edgier. When you screw up, he is not going ask you how
feel about it.
& nbsp; Rule #5. Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different
word for burger flipping. They called it opportunity. They weren't embarrassed making
minimum wage either. They would have been embarrassed to sit around talking about
Fifty Cent all weekend.
& nbsp; Rule #6. It's not your parents' fault. If you screw up, you are responsible. This is the
flip side of "It's my life," and "You're not the boss of me," and other eloquent proclamations
of your generation. When you turn 18, it's on your dime. Don't whine about it or you'll sound
like a baby boomer.
& nbsp; Rule #7. Before you were born your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They
got that way paying your bills, cleaning up your room and listening to you tell them how
idealistic you are. And by the way, before you save the rain forest from the blood-sucking
parasites of your parents' generation try delousing the closet in your bedroom.
& nbsp; Rule #8. Life is not divided into semesters, and you don't get summers off. Nor even
Easter break. They expect you to show up every day. For eight hours. And you don't get
a new life every 10 weeks. It just goes on and on.
& nbsp; Rule #9. Television is not real life. Your life is not a sitcom. Your problems will not all
be solved in 30 minutes, minus time for commercials. In real life, people actually have to
leave the coffee shop to go to jobs. Your friends will not be perky or as polite as
Jennifer Aniston.
& nbsp; Rule #10. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.
& nbsp; Rule #11. Enjoy this while you can. Sure, parents are a pain, school's a bother, and
life is depressing. But someday you'll realize how wonderful it was to be kid. Maybe you
should start now.
The Real Apple Pie: Bashing Immigrants
The new law would make it a felony not only to be an “illegal” alien but also to assist one. It’s all about protecting our country against terrorism. It’s even in the title of the bill, “The Border Protection, Anti-Terrorism and Illegal Immigration Control Act.”
Allowing “illegals” to get medical care or a homeless shelter bed would send the wrong message to those foreigners who want to blow up our buildings and take away our precious freedoms. It’s a known fact that terrorists come here to use our hospitals and HIV-positive support groups just before they release dangerous gases into the subway system. Oh wait, that was our government.
If your partner is undocumented, better draw up the divorce papers now and call the INS – not the IRS. Even the mere knowledge of someone’s illegal status can lead to five years in jail, if you don’t report him or her immediately to the nearest immigrant official.
It all makes perfect sense. After all, we’ve always been a country of legal immigrants.
Christopher Columbus and his men carried their green cards on the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria. The first thing the pilgrims did when they stepped off the Mayflower onto Plymouth Rock was to show Native American immigration officials their papers. The European immigrants with the most impressive papers, however, were the southern Italians, though for some strange reason they earned the nickname WOPs – WithOut Papers.
It’s impossible to comprehend why some people are now saying that our country hates immigrants. Millions of protesters with foreign names have taken to the streets with banners that attack our country as anti-immigrant. They’re obviously being misled by the liberal media.
Our country is damn crazy about immigrants. Every July 4, we get all warm and fuzzy about the poem written at the base of the Statue of Liberty, which was sent to us by some foreign government. Most of us can probably recite one or two words of it. “Uh, give me your poor, your tired, your ... uh ... people from many lands, amen.”
America is the great melting pot. All those ethnic groups mashed together and cooked over a high flame for a few centuries have produced a suburban McCulture that’s the envy of the world. That’s why so many people want to come here. You can’t blame them.
Actually, we can. We can deport them, too, if they’re not the right color and class.
Those ultra liberal ACLU types just want us to hate our own country. They point to “No Italians Need Apply” signs that were proudly displayed in shops a century ago or the fact that those Chinese workers building the railroads weren’t allowed by law to send for their wives. They bring up anti-Semitism as if it’s still the ‘60s.
The NINA signs were designed to protect Italians from possible racist violence on the job. As for the Chinese, having wives here would have distracted them from their work. And anti-Semitism, wasn’t that eradicated when we crushed Adolph Hitler?
Besides, what’s the point of dwelling on the past? It’s not as if it’s going to teach us anything. The Sensenbrenner/ King bill makes good American sense: Criminalize the people who come to this country to do sweaty, back-breaking work in our fields and in the kitchens of our restaurants, not to mention the people who cross borders desperate for work fixing our toilets because the international treaties we make with their governments leave their villages poor and without jobs.
When it comes right down to it, anti-immigrant laws are more American than apple pie.
Tommi Avicolli Mecca raises hell as a radical working-class southern Italian faggot living in San Francisco. This article was originally published in SF Bay Times
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Former Military Intelligence chief Aharon Ze'evi warned Monday morning [May 15] of an impending world jihad "tsunami" that he said may soon descend on the entire Middle East. Ze'evi, speaking at a Jaffee Center for Strategic Studies conference in Tel Aviv University, said that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinijad has been overheard promising the "end of history in two or three years." Ze'evi recommended that the Iranian threats be taken seriously, saying that Tehran will soon have nuclear warhead compatible surface-to-surface missiles with a range of 5,000 kilometers, putting Europe within striking distance. 